TIPPs for Calming and Centering

Leona Palmer, LMSW

We all know what it feels like when our feelings become overwhelming and we begin to react—without thinking—to the situation or people around us. In my clinical practice as a therapist, one of the first things I often talk about with my clients is nervous system (or emotional) regulation: how to calm ourselves down when we are “triggered” or dysregulated. This can often show up as an elevated heart rate, heavier breathing, sweaty palms, an ache, or nausea in our stomach. We are nervous, frustrated, angry, upset, or disappointed in a way that feels physical and overwhelming, maybe even out of proportion to the situation. How do we come back home to ourselves?

Our mind and body are built to stay alive, which means sometimes protecting us from real—and perceived—threats. Our limbic system (the hippocampus, amygdala, thalamus, and hypothalamus) has developed over thousands and thousands of years to keep us safe, whether from predators in nature, poisonous berries, or even (and unfortunately) each other. 

In this way, the very oldest part of our brain, at the top of our spinal column (sometimes referred to as the reptilian brain) developed a heightened capacity to tell a stick on the path from a snake. Step on a stick a hundred times and you’re fine, but step on a poisonous snake just once and you could be a goner. Because threats mean the difference between safety and survival, our brain prioritizes this information in our memory—we are “sticky”, as neurologist Rick Hanson, PhD describes it, for negative experiences. We often remember the bad more than the good, and we are more reactive to it as well. 

This is fight or flight, otherwise known as hyperarousal, when adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine flood our biochemistry so that we can be hypervigilant and ready for physical action. Our prefrontal cortex, the youngest and most “human” part of our brain responsible for all our complex reasoning, shuts down—we cannot access our analytic self at all. This makes sense: if we need to rely on our instincts in a fight for our lives, we don’t need to get bogged down in complex pros and cons. 

Furthermore, our digestive and reproductive systems, seen as nonessential to survival, slow down or stop. Our circulatory system reduces blood flow to our limbs, so that we literally do not bleed out as quickly if bitten by a wolf or lion. The whole body gets involved. 

The bad news today is that our limbic system does not know the difference between being hunted by a wolf and getting an upsetting email from our boss. So, we read threats to our survival into everything: our social media news scroll, a comment from a challenging family member, a traffic jam, and on and on. We are too often overstimulated, on edge, and looking for enemies. Especially in today’s polarized climate and screen-saturated virtual reality, it is easy to have more reactions to perceived threats. But it’s exhausting to maintain a posture of attack or defense in our day-to-day connections with people. We’re actually more built to get along with people in physical proximity than to engage in conflict.  

In short, dysregulation is unsustainable: emotionally, energetically, and definitely physically. We cannot sustain high levels of cortisol and adrenaline (anger and anxiety) for long before we slump into apathy and depression, shutting down and tuning out. This is the freeze and collapse response, otherwise known as hypoarousal, leading to a decrease in serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. Like a mouse playing dead with a cat, our intelligent nervous system applies itself to going numb. In very extreme instances we dissociate, or leave our bodies altogether, compartmentalizing the experience so we don’t remember as much later. (This is trauma, a complicated topic for another day)

So. Again. How do we come home to ourselves in the moment? Regulate our heart rate and breath. Bring our reasoning back online. Calm ourselves in the moment so we can write a coherent and emotionally mature email back to our boss, spouse, customer, neighbor. In my practice, I always start with the TIPP exercises, evidence-based and proven techniques to bring our nervous system back to baseline (from sympathetic to parasympathetic). In varying ways these alter our physical state and thus our emotional state.

T: Temperature 

               Most helpful in states of full dysregulation or panic, we use cold water, ice cubes, and cold compresses to bring us back to our senses. You can put a cold washcloth on your face, temples, or the insides of your wrists, jump in a cold shower, or hold an ice cube in your hand (not to the point of pain). This works by either lowering our body temperature overall or, when our face gets cold and wet, by stimulating the “dive” reflex which reduces heart rate and breath rate. 

In less activated states a warm washcloth or compress, especially with a few drops of lavender or another calming essential oil, can be comforting.

I: Intense Exercise

               Also helpful in states of full dysregulation or panic, we increase physical activity to match the state of arousal of our heart and breath. Get around your house or block as fast as you can. Do 50 quick repetitive exercises of your choice (jumping jacks, arm swings, sit ups, etc). This has the effect of telling our nervous system that if there is a wolf staring us down, we’re ready to do whatever is necessary. It’s also very difficult to think anxious or panicked thoughts when exercising as hard as we can.

P: Paced Breathing

               There are two exercises I like as introductions, though you can find many more online. These are good for dysregulation as well as anti-anxiety and sleep aides.  

               Boxed Breathing: You breathe in for an even count (try 4 to start). Hold your lungs full for the same count. Breathe out for the same count. Hold empty for the same count. Imagine you are drawing a box in your mind (Breathe in for 4, Hold for 4, Out for 4, Empty for 4). Try to work your way up to 5, 6, 7, etc.

               Odd Number Breathing: Breathe in counting to any odd number (let’s do 3) and out for the next odd number (5 in this case). Try to work your way up to the next odd number up ( 3 in and 7 out). This has the effect of mimicking our breath in sleep: our message to our body is that we are so safe, so okay, that we can close our eyes and breathe just like we do at our most vulnerable, in sleep.

P: Progressive Muscle Relaxation

               This is good for mild to moderate dysregulation, is anti-anxiety, and works as a sleep aid.  

               Basically, you work your way from the tips of your toes up to the top of your head, squeezing each muscle group at a time while you hold your breath for as long as possible (up to 30 seconds).Then release, fully, with an exhale. So: flex your toes, release. Arch your foot, release. Flex your calves, release. Work your way up the thighs, buttocks, abs, back, upper arms, forearms, fists, shoulders, neck. Finally, scrunch your face as tightly as possible, then release. 

When we are dysregulated, we often clench certain parts of our body in reflexive or protective stances. Intentionally flexing and releasing our entire body has the effect of releasing those parts we unconsciously clench.

There are loads of TIPP exercise infographics online that you can print out to hang on the fridge. as well as guided breathing and progressive relaxation exercises on free apps like Insight Timer.

As a final note, TIPP exercises and similar interventions in the heat of the moment offer us a lifeline back to ourselves and how we want to feel and act in any given situation. In the bigger picture, we know that nutrition, sleep, exercise, and community all work together to maintain our physical and emotional wellbeing. So, if you find yourself commonly dysregulated, triggered, or over-reactive in the course of a day or week, it is worth looking at your larger lifestyle routine and how it supports your overall health. This includes, of course, the lure of screen scrolling time.

As always, in the case of a real crisis, if you or anyone you know is having an especially difficult time, it’s always best to reach out to a crisis hotline, including 988 which operates 24/7. 

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